Unit 9 Project

Introduction:

The healer must first be the healee. The healer must submit themselves to the very treatment that they intend to recommend to their patients.  I think the best image is the “three pot metaphor” that Dacher refers to (Dacher, 2006, p. 167). In short, a pot is useless unless it is upright, whole, and clean. We can’t hope to pour wisdom from ourselves into someone else if we’re upside down, broken, or dirty. What can we hope to give? Further, what would anyone hope to get? A Chevy salesman driving a Ford is not going to be taken seriously. We must be constantly striving for full human flourishing because only then can we be effective, inspiring, and passionate.

Assessment:

I would say that physically, I’m not doing too badly, but I’m not where I want to be.  There was a time in the not too distant past when I think I did much better than I’m doing now.  I’m finding in recent weeks (OK, maybe months), that my diet and nutrition have started to suffer.  Not that I’m eating badly – it’s that I’m not eating enough, especially when I take into account my daily physical activity.  I’m a server, so I’m very active at work, and I work out 4-5 times per week.  Each workout incorporates a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio, plus targeted strength training and flexibility.  I need to be consuming 1800-2000 calories per day and I know I routinely fall way below that.  If I could bring my nutrition up, my physical exercise ability would also improve, and my overall physical health would be very good.  Further, a well-nourished body is better able to manage stress, which will have an effect on my spiritual and psychological aspects as well.

                Spiritually, I’m doing pretty well.  I converted from mainstream western Christianity to Orthodox Christianity almost a year ago and I am completely and totally in love with it. The way the Orthodox approach life as a whole, and the human being as a whole, is refreshing and uplifting.  It’s the most “useful” form of Christianity that I’ve ever encountered.  I know that sounds crass, but religion is for something, and what’s the point if it’s not having an effect on us?  It is certainly having an effect on me, and it’s definitely for the better. 

Psychologically, I’m struggling, but I think the struggle is making me stronger.  I’m going through an increasingly unpleasant divorce and struggle with the grief and anger and sadness and disappointment and insecurities that come when a marriage dies. I have a tendency towards anxiety and that button sticks out a bit more than I wish it would these days. I’m in counseling and have amazing friends so I’m definitely getting better. We can’t become courageous if we’re never scared, and we can’t get stronger if we’re never challenged.


Goal development and personal practices:

My physical goal is to continue to become more intentional about my diet and more disciplined in my exercise routine.  To aid in my dietary intentionality, I’m keeping a food journal to make sure that I’m eating both enough (calories) and properly (empty calories can’t count).  I’m choosing what I eat based on what my body needs, and I’m eating when I need to, not just when I feel like it or “can” (which, when added together, equals approximately never).  When it comes to my exercise routine, I’m not lacking in motivation, just working out proper time management to get everything accomplished that I need to in a day.  Again, I operate well when I can see things laid out in front of me.  Like the food journal, which is a written exercise, I will also write out my exercise plan for the week.  I will include which days and times I will go to the gym as well as what cardio I will do and which muscle groups I will focus on.

                My spiritual goal is to make daily, directed, intentional prayer a habit.  It’s easy to lie down in bed at night and direct my daily Christmas list at the ceiling while I’m falling asleep.  But the truth is that does very little for anybody.  The mercy of God is enormous, and He hears and responds to even our weakest, silliest prayers.  But I’m really not interested in a one-way relationship with a wish-granter.  I want to know God.  I want Him to know me.  I want that infusion of wisdom, patience, grace, strength, love, etc, etc, etc, that comes from communion with the Divine.  Again, I have a two-fold plan in place.  The first will be to set time aside for prayer.  No more trailing prayers off into sleep.  The second will be to read and study.  The saints have a said a lot about prayer.  It’s high time I started paying attention. 

                My psychological goal is, in short, to quit being such a tightly-gripping, anxiety-prone, fear-driven control freak (when it comes to certain types of relationships).  I’ve been through a great deal in the past few years – a great deal of loss, and a good amount of emotional trauma.  It’s enough (I can speak from experience) to drive a person a little bat-piddly (I can’t say the word I want to use in an academic paper) crazy.  But enough of that.  I can’t control the past, but I can control what I learn from it, and who I become walking away from it.  Love must always come from an intentional place of strength, not a reactionary place of weakness.  My psychological goal is to develop and build up that base of quiet strength and slowly snuff out the reactionary and the weak.  There are two main practices that will assist in this.  First, I am in counseling.  Second, I intend to actually buckle down and practice the meditation that we’ve engaged in throughout this course.  I’ve done it, and I’ve grumbled, but I intend to do it on an ongoing basis.

Commitment:

                I will draw one of my main strengths to maintain my progress and assess it along the way.  I will write.  I will take the time every day to write down what I’m doing, how I’m doing, what I’m going to do, and how I am going to be.  This will help on a day to day basis to keep being intentional about my thoughts and actions.  In addition, it will give me something to look back on in 3, 6, 9, 12 months, etc.  How am I progressing?  What do I need to work on?  What worked?  What didn’t?  Am I eating well?  How is my exercise regimen coming along?  How is meditation progressing?  What changes am I seeing in myself?  How am I processing through the changes and relationships in my life?

                 

References:  Dacher, E. (2006). Integral Health: The Path to Human Flourishing. Basic Health Publications: California.

Unit 8

I think the two most beneficial practices for me would have to be the creation of mental “space” that occurs at the beginning of meditation, and the implementation of visualization when trying to attain mental fitness. 

For me, as I might have casually mentioned once or twice (OK – subtlety isn’t my strong suit – I’ve griped, I know), I have a hard time getting my mind to slow down.  One of the most influential things I’ve learned in this course, and through these practices, is how to hold my thoughts with an open hand, and at times, just let them go.  Creating mental space for the sake of intentional action is something that I know I can benefit from.  I will definitely be utilizing this practice in my future profession.  So many people get caught up in cycles of reaction, reaction, reaction, whether it be to external or internal events.  Reactions, which are products more of habit than reason, can get us all tied up in physical, emotional, spiritual, and social knots.  But learning how to slow down one’s breathing, and using that biological cue to train the mind, is an important first step to taking control of your life. 

The second practice that I appreciated and intend to utilize is visualization.  I haven’t gotten as deep into this practice yet as I’d like to, but I intend to practice it further.  Human beings are highly imagistic creatures, and using that in-born gift intentionally makes a great deal of sense.  We use this during physical training (I sometimes visualize hitting that wall while running and I think through how I’ll handle it), but it’s also shown itself to be a highly effect way to mentally train.

Unit 7

I did complete the Meeting Aesclepius meditation. I found the idea of meeting with a wise mentor to be a good one. I wonder, honestly, though, about the benefits of meeting with a wise mentor that my imagination is placing in front of me. It fell flat a little. I feel like I want something more – something more real. I (think I) understand that there is a theory at work here which seems to believe that all the wisdom that we need we can access within our own consciousness somehow. But that feels like hubris to me…? Maybe?

On the other hand, some of the images provided were helpful. The idea of a light purifying my mind at the beginning is one that I found helpful. The role of image to train our minds cannot be overemphasized. So I’m on the fence when it comes to my reaction to the specific exercise.

Some of my meditative practices for the week were a little more directed, and a little more concrete. They suit me better. They engage my mind, but not to the point of over-activating it. They direct my thoughts, but don’t lead them around by the nose. I’m an Orthodox Christian and this week was our Holy Week. Part of the practice of Holy Week involves attending church daily. Most people can’t do this. For the first time in my life, I decided to take the week off work and go to every service available. It was fantastic. The darkness, the stillness, the readings, the engagement of both mind and body in the memorial of that week… it was very meditative and healing for me. I see at work there the same theory and practice that I see at work here: the intentional habituation of mind and body to a more robust level of health than what is normally seen.

I think that no matter what profession you’re in, trying to teach someone else what you yourself do not know is foolish. And by “know”, I don’t mean book knowledge. I mean head knowledge. Experience. I’d rather get directions from someone who’s been where I’m going rather than someone who’s only looked at a map. If I myself am not working towards the same goal as my clients, how on earth can I honestly propose to lead them?

Unit 6

Truth be told, the first exercise was a stretch for me. I am quite accustomed to praying for such things, but prayer is a request directed at an intelligent agent, specifically in my case, God. To make what could be a request into what felt like an undirected wish seemed odd. Almost, but not, like a birthday wish. Minus the candles. Too harsh?

But. Then I reread what it was for. It doesn’t seem to be intended to be something that emanates directly out from us and into the cosmos. It is something that we produce in ourselves first for our own sakes. Sounds awfully narcissistic put that way... but let me clarify. It’s an exercise that changes us so that we can change the world we’re in. Yes? It’s not a prayer, it is a hope. And hope changes things by first changing the one who hopes. Choosing to hope for something good will push us to work for it.

The assessment process was something else altogether. Hello clarity. Nice to have you smack me in the face again. I missed it. No really, I mean it, I did.

“What aspect of my life – psychospiritual, biological, interpersonal, or worldly – is the source of difficulty or suffering?”

Him, that, those, this. All that. All that is the problem. Nope, try again. What, really, is the source of the suffering? All that interpersonal nonsense is creating an internal situation that I’m not dealing well with. All that interpersonal stuff is not the source. It’s not the place that the pain is springing from. The pain is springing from me reacting to those situations not out of a place of stillness and strength, but out of a place of chaos, weakness, and fear. The source of the problem is psychospiritual. I need to tell myself to just “calm down, yo”. You will suffer less if you unclench your fist just a little bit, chill, give it a hot minute. Address the internal weakness that’s reacting. Stop reacting. Start acting. Be intentional. Your intentions are good and wise. Let those be the fulcrum and the muscle.

Geez.

Exercise to implement: Strengthening my witnessing and then calm-abiding mind through the practice of silence and meditation. Good prayers will spring out of all that silence.

Unit 4

I found the most beneficial moment of the exercise to be when the speaker told us to us to give all of our mental processes spaciousness and ease and loosen any grasping and attachments. I tend to chase my own thoughts, and when I catch them, pin them down and choke them til they spill all meaning and truth for me. I want to know what’s true, and I want to know as much of that truth as possible, and I want to know it NOW. But unless truth is like toothpaste, which is supposed to ooze out when you squeeze it, might it become distorted if not treated gently?

For me, calming (the heck) down and just mentally “chilling” is definitely something I need to work on. Exercises like this still drive me nuts. I’m not a high strung person – but I’m really very mentally active. But taking time like this is something that’s good for me. Timing one’s breaths and giving space to thoughts allows me to become more intentional about what those thoughts and feelings are and how to better direct them.

I guess it’s this concept that’s the biggest “mental workout” for me. To use an exercise example – it’s the difference between pushups, which are a dynamic exercise, and a plank, which really, is just about holding still for a hot minute. But those planks can make you shake and sweat… and then make you stronger in ways that are surprising.

Unit 3

I would say that physically, I’m at about a 7-8. There was a time in the not too distant past where I would have put myself at about a 9 or 10, but life has come along and complicated things. I’m in the middle of a (ugly) divorce, I’m working full time, and I just started back to school. I used to eat three very healthy meals a day and work out 5 days a week, logging approx 20 running miles per week, plus lifting, swimming, etc. But between stress knocking my appetite flat and my schedule making trips to the gym a little less frequent, I’ve slid back a little bit. Thankfully, I’m looking at this coming week, and I already have some healthy food planned and prepared, and I know I’ll be able to make it to the gym 4 times. Hopefully within the next 3-6 months, I’ll be able to work my way back to where I was… and beyond! :)

Spiritually, I think I’m doing pretty well also. I converted from mainstream western Christianity to Orthodox Christianity almost a year ago and I am completely and totally in love with it. I find that prayer is healing and building and changing me. I feel more spiritually solid than I ever have in my life. I don’t know what God would say, but I’m feeling good. I would say a 9. (Not that I’m a candidate for sainthood – let’s look at my life and be realistic here, hahaha – what I mean is that I’m growing and I know I’m exactly where I need to be.)

Psychologically, I’m going to go ahead and say 5 or 6. I struggle with the grief and fury and disappointment and insecurities that come when a marriage dies. I have a tendency towards anxiety and that button sticks out a bit more than I wish it would these days. I’m in counseling and have amazing friends so I’m definitely getting better. But things are shaky in this season.

Physical goal: I have this tendency to push push push myself, sometimes without asking whether
what I’m doing is smart or healthy. Last week, I tried to go to the gym and ended up seeing spots. I hadn’t fueled my body properly. Now, I love going to the gym, so I’ve promised myself that there’s no going if I haven’t eaten three full healthy meals the day before. Pretzels and an
apple don’t count. :)

Spiritual goal: We’re in the middle of Lent, so my current goal is faithfully maintain the disciplines I’ve sent out for myself. I find that they’re a gift, not a requirement, and only good things come of it.

Psychological goal: I’m working on being more intentional in my thought processes: seeking
out what’s true, and trusting that truth and acting on it regardless of how I may feel in the moment.

The relaxation exercise was… OK. I’ve never particularly taken to these sorts of things. I’m working on it. I promise. I thought the talk about the different locations and colors was symbolic and interesting, but I didn't find that it did anything to me...

Unit 2: Relaxation

I found the exercise to be very interesting, if a bit challenging. I had a hard time for three major reasons:
1) I'm sleepy. It was a battle to stay awake.
2) My cat kept stepping on me. That kept me awake, but distracted.
3) My brain kept engaging what he was saying. I was too busy thinking about what was supposed to be happening, and why, and how, to really get too deeply into the exercise.

I think the third stumbling block bothers me the least. This class so far is completely fascinating to me, and *nerd alert* I really enjoyed the readings, and thinking through all the implications. The strength of the interconnectedness of the mind, body, and spirit, is greater than I thought it was, and the way those systems work together is just too interesting. I want to know more, and the wanting to know is getting in the way of the experience at the moment.

In the future, I look forward to being able to put my mind and rest and then more completely engage in the exercises.